Don’t Vote for Jefferson 2028

Reasons NOT to Vote for Me
for President of the United States
of America in 2028:

1. I don’t want the job.

   Being President of the United States of America is a difficult job with long hours and unparalleled responsibilities. I’d like a stable and comfortable life where I can spend more time with my family and friends.

2. I don’t want to be an employee of the American People.

   Have you met the American People? We are terrible and lovely. We are United when a Europe gets uppity yet Untied when countries we drew get insubordinate (take that to mean whatever you like, don’t vote for me). But as an employer the American People think this and that and which and what. Rarely if ever do they have the patience for why and how, and those the the questions I feel most comfortable in. So I don’t want to work for them, I’d spend too much of my time selling my ideas, and I’m not sure they’ll even work.

3. I think America will be better as an underdog. (USA, USA, Number Two, Number Two!)

4. I think there should be Five branches of Government rather than Three.