Press Release on Global Quickening | September 28, 2021

Dear Everyone,

It's become increasingly clear that the climate is in fact changing and our menial efforts to make ourselves feel like we are doing something to stop the glaciers from leaving are insufficient in the face of overall global quickening.

As President I will be taking drastic actions to prepare society for the coming calamities and in the process reinventing democracy. There is a non-zero chance I will not use my soon-to-be-found power for good and rather use it to become a dictator of the United States of America.

Please do not vote for me because the moral quandries of the near future are harrowing and I would rather abdicate responsibility onto someone else. Being an observer of the failures of leadership is far easier than assuming the position myself and I much prefer critiquing others over making decisions myself.

Sincerely,
Jefferson Thomas