WooHoo No Filter! (NSFW)
Dear Everyone,
Phew,
Please allow me to introduce myself.
I’m Jefferson Thomas Freeman.
I feel a lot better now that I got that hypothetical candidacy thing out of the way.
But, now that I am a Hypothetical Candidate for President of the United States in 2020. . .
I guess I could Hypothetically speak as much as I want. Hell, I’m might not even be bothered to edit these diary entries. I am just going to run my entire campaign from my train of thought at that moment.
As a writer I just wrote nonsense I barely published all-day, so why don’t I just write nonsense all-day in order to run a Hypothetical Write-In Campaign for President of the United States of America. I don’t even hypothetically need to edit!
Actually here let’s do this, from here forward this entire diary is hypothetical.
Jefferson’s Hypothetical Diary, I even put it in the footer. Do not take anything I am saying seriously. Remember, we have to be serious y’all.
So, enjoy my grammar mistakes! I am going to be posting constantly. Why should I care? Our President doesn’t edit his own tweets.
In the past I’ve only ever held myself to Presidential Standards, which I have lapsed almost constantly. I have come to conclude the reason I held myself to such high standards that I have never met is because of my Name.
Jefferson Thomas Freeman.
I have always felt like a president when sincerely introducing myself to someone. Sorry I know that’s vain. But, I think sincere introductions use your full name.
Becoming president is the only Job I have ever truly wanted. I remember even as a child I would lie to people and tell them I wanted to be Vice President of Informational Systems of NASA. As a child I would hedge my true ambitions because I knew my actual ambition was ludicrous. There was no way I should be President, I was never even close to the smartest person in any class I ever took. I always imagined the President would be a stable genius. And to be honest I am pretty sure the hierarchical structure of NASA is labeled with Deputy Directors anyway.
But hey, if we’re lowering the standards for Presidents, I’m all for it. It means I am eligible again.
Hell, constitutionally I shouldn’t even be allowed to run as I am not even 35, but there’s a loophole as I explained previously.
As a recap, Basically, since the President does not have to tell the Truth and can’t commit a crime now. I could hypothetically Run a satirical underage write-in campaign for President through a Crowd-Funded SuperPAC hoping to win. Once I win in I would bring an ageism suit to the Supreme Court supporting my hypothetical victory.
If I win that case on the minimum and maximum age of the President then once the Supreme Court rules in my favor I will be 31, and the Constitution will have a changed Minimum age for the President to 30 and a added a new Maximum age of 70 years old, or something.
Then once I am President, the underage campaign I ran would be forgiven because the President is now above the law. I love it!
It’s the Hypothetical Ageist Loophole.
And I am hypothetically running right at it.
It’s probably not going to work, that’s why I am going to ask no one in the United States of America to vote for me.
So to be clear America.
PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR JEFFERSON 2020
PLEASE DO NOT WRITE MY NAME in the BLANK SECTION UNDER THE CANDIDATES.
DON’T DO IT!
It would be UNCONSTITUTIONAL.
I AM NOT 35 YEARS OLD YET.
JEFFERSON THOMAS FREEMAN IS UNDERAGE!
HE CANNOT RUN FOR PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
YOU CANNOT VOTE FOR ME LEGALLY.
Anyway,
I am sorry I have been so quiet of late, I am going to start speaking a lot more, in fact constantly, since that’s what the President is supposed to do. Unedited trains of thought at all hours of the days and night. So If I am a hypothetical candidate for President of the United States of America, I guess I should just attach the firehose of my thoughts to the internet and see what happens. Please make as many memes of me as you want.
I have just been sad, no one thinks this country is going in the right direction. So I’d like to introduce a new Hypothetical Track. A Fourth Track so to speak.
I remember one of the last things my father said to me in the hospital before he left his body last year was to be who I am. I remember walking home thinking I needed to figure out who I wanted to be in this life.
Finding that answer took me back to my Name.
Sincerely,
Jefferson Thomas Freeman.
P.S. Wasn’t it already obvious I was never going to be the President.