October 25th 2021 | Facebook

Dear Everyone,

I have not read the Facebook Papers yet, at least as my communications team writes this Press Release. But I do have some thoughts.

Facebook as you probably know is a social media platform, it was started as a way for Mark Zuckerberg and his creepy friends to rate the appearance of their fellow classmates at Harvard.

Now Facebook is a global powerhouse, it has a massive data-set on millions of people around the world. The data-points it's collected and more importantly the secondary relational data between the points is used to target ads to it's user base. Interestingly enough Facebook was started without ads of any kind.

Unfortunately, this ability to target ads based on a myriad of personal identifying points as given Facebook the ability to rile it's users up. People are more likely to make impulsive decisions (i.e. click something) when they aren't emotionally level and so Facebook has been able to litter users feeds with posts that make them emotionally charged.

My company calls this what it is, Emotional Amplitude Manipulation. We are also more honest with how we market our wares. SaturaVeritas aims to slowly brainwash the world into enjoying our products and ensuring our continued profitability.

As We the People ponder the fate of our beloved Facebook due to there self-expressed want for regulation I would like to suggest we move towards more honest social media companies.

Or perhaps we will realize that social media was a stepping stone to something more sustainable in our digital relationships. Either way it's time for us to do some self-reflection over the way we interact.

As President I will purchase my own company from myself with Tax Payer funding so that We the People might have more power over our digital presence.

I will use the proceeds to buy a massive Presidential Mega-yacht which I will gift to the Oval Office in perpetuity for my successors.

Don't vote for me, you have a vote.

Sincerely,

Jefferson Thomas